The first official post to a new blog is always SO STRESSFUL.

What should I write about? What kind of personality should I write with? People are going to think this is dumb. This IS dumb. I’m deleting this stupid thing. 

There’s a snapshot of my thoughts right now.

But here’s why, at the end of my inner ranting, I am choosing to keep this blog and share what’s on my mind. Because people keep telling me to.

I’ve been told that I am an edifier–someone whose words build up and bring encouragement. I, personally, thought this was crazy and for about 5 years took these continual encouragements from people as “kind things people are telling me to make me feel good about myself.” I kept an old blog a while ago that I wrote in when I was going through tough circumstances and inner turmoil. I wrote because it was therapeutic for me and apparently edifying to the people who were reading my writings. I wasn’t expecting the response I was getting from so many people (or a response at all for that matter). I just wanted a space to figure out my honest emotions and thoughts, and then where God was in all of it and what I felt He was saying to me. I eventually began to see that God had given me the tool of writing to encourage the people around me, and I really felt like He was using me to meet people where they were at through my life struggles, and to call them higher as well as calling myself higher.

So. I guess an introduction to why I am creating this blog suits the “first blog post” requirement.

I am here for you. I am here to be as honest and vulnerable as I possibly can. I am here to say that I am a woman who dearly loves the Lord and believes He is my source of satisfaction and life, and at the same time admitting that I have gone through some horrible seasons, have struggled with anxiety and depression, find myself wanting shallow things in this world rather than God, and wonder why I wan’t given a different body just like every other girl in the world.

We are human. We all have a disorder. We all were born into a world of disorder. The disorder is sin. And this is the stuff I am here to talk about.