I read in a book once that being a leader is to be in a place where you constantly feel like you’re in over your head.

I didn’t really resonate with that until recently.

Being a leader doesn’t have to mean leading a movement or a large group of people. It can wear a lot of different hats; parenthood, sibling-hood, spouse-hood, friendship-hood, and all the other “hoods” that can make you feel responsible or burdened for someone else. And at this point in my life, I feel like a lot of those hats were thrown on me all at once. And I feel awkward, uncoordinated, unconfident, and most of all unqualified.

Feeling in over my head is just about the best way to describe my life right now. I don’t know how to be a great wife, I don’t know how to be a great “parent” to our beyond needy dog, and I have no clue as to how to be a great leader for our young adult group. It is a weight in all areas I haven’t felt before, and trying to figure out where priorities lie in what needs my attention first has been a cause of stress and a place where it’s been easy to neglect myself. When things go awry in one area, I beat myself up for not giving enough attention or leadership to that area. And when it happens in another, I get mad that I couldn’t give more attention to that place. It feels like a lose-lose battle most of the time.

But here are some things I have been discovering again for the hundredth time, or learning for the first time.

First of all, my need to be perfect in all areas of leadership is where my self-hatred festers. I expect greatness from myself at all times, and when a weakness or a blindspot is uncovered in moments of  imperfection, I take it personally and deeply, and the unhealthy cycle of self-loathing begins. The “should’ve, would’ve, could’ve” speech begins, and I unravel myself down to nothing in a matter of minutes. And for the millionth time, but what seemed like the first time, the Lord reminded me of His promise over this issue:

“My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.”  2Corinthians 12:9

My ability to lead perfectly isn’t what changes people or draws them to the Lord and into His promises for them. His grace in my weakness is what does! That is why Paul responds to this promise by saying, “I am glad to boast about my weaknesses so the power of Christ can work through me!” The enemy has been wanting me to respond in exactly the opposite way to my shortcomings because he knew that once I discovered the power that comes from releasing my imperfections to God, I would be that much more effective in the kingdom of God. Releasing my human nature to God and allowing Him to mold me and use me in those places is where I change, and where the people around me change.

Secondly, I become a greater leader as I allow myself to go through the pressure and often the suffering that comes with my circumstances. I re-read a status I posted on Facebook this morning that said, “God does not give us overcoming life, He gives us life as we overcome.” (Oswald Chambers) God never promised us deliverance from trouble, but rather deliverance in trouble. 2Corinthians 4:8 says,

We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair.

The pressures and troubles of life are the only places in which we can truly see God’s power working in our lives and not our own. If I felt confident and successful in every area I was leading in, wouldn’t I always take the credit for myself? It’s human nature to do that! But God allows the pressure because He wants us to see His mightiness and our frailty, and He rightfully wants the glory for the gifts we are able to operate in on this earth.

Lastly, believing you have been given authority to lead in the areas you are in is key to finding confidence in Christ to step out and walk in that calling. If you are a mom and you feel like you are helpless and unable to do what you need to do to raise your child well, you’ve already been given authority to do it. No matter how many times you think you fail, your authority doesn’t come from your successes, it comes from God, and He works everything–your best AND worst– together for the good and glory of his name! If you are a spouse and you feel like you can’t do anything well for your other half, you’ve already been given authority to walk well in that place. What you feel are your failures aren’t really failures. They are weaknesses God is wanting to work through to show your spouse HIS power and goodness as you move in vulnerability and humility before that person. If you are a leader of a group of some sort and you feel like you have no control over that group, it’s because you don’t. God does! Authority doesn’t equal control. It equals having a power or a right to make decisions for a group. But you can’t control people! Even God doesn’t control people. Authority is invested to people who will choose to set those “underneath” them up for success, or in this case, to encounter Jesus. But you can’t make someone encounter anything. Your best efforts might not mean anything to some people. But God is working in and through you as you move in meekness and humility before your group to allow His authority to be seen as you believe you have and walk in the authority you have been given.

God’s ways aren’t our ways. His thoughts aren’t our thoughts. His idea of success in your life most likely is not your idea of success. It always looks different. But it is also ALWAYS the best for your life. So rejoice when things don’t seem to be going the way they should! God is using that place of weakness as an opportunity to glorify Himself in your life if you let Him.